A Blessed Trinity: Being Black, Woke, & a Christian

Hey Friends!

So it’s technically Black History Month—a month America has set aside to recognize the many contributions of black people and their culture in the progressive movement to a projected more inclusive society. With the direction our country is going—in terms of our leaders, both politically and spiritually, and our actions towards each other, as Christians, people of other faiths, and non-believers—that progressiveness and inclusivity is most definitely in question...but that’s another topic for a different day.

Post-Ferguson there has been a movement sprung up out of the Black Lives Matter organization that has made hashtags into small groups, and social media references into lengthy litanies of dialogue regarding what it means to be #WOKE. We’ve seen the term #StayWoke coined by possibly every stream of pop culture that people of African descent dominate--music, art, dance, and even sports. Staying #WOKE has become a part of the everyday survival mentality people of African descent, both in America and across the world, have used to stay alive, stay in communion, and stay aware of the social and racial injustices created to deter them from living the life our white counterparts are guaranteed by way of privilege. It is also a means of camaraderie people of African descent have used among each other to remind ourselves of our contribution to humanity.

Black History Month, in theory, is cool, but it will never compare to the myriad of cultural contributions black people have bestowed upon the world. That being said, I would be remiss if I didn’t highlight one of the most overlooked and misconstrued perceptions of black culture: Spirituality, Faith & Religion. These three may seem to go hand in hand, but have become ideologies within and of themselves. Since I was in high school and became more outspoken about my faith in Jesus, my true “blackness” came into question. For me, being black and Christian have always been equivalent--just like being a woman, personally. Both of my parents are black, Christian, educated and #WOKE. My dad was probably a little more extreme in his “wokeness,” but nevertheless, there wasn’t one without the other. Further on into college, I was challenged even more when I was in a sense bombarded by educated black men—scholars of Pan-African history to be exact—and they questioned the same. “How can you be for your people and still a Christian?”

Still?

It was as if they assumed I had worshipped the white Jesus most commonly portrayed, instead of the one described in the book of Revelations. It was also as if I was less black or doing my people a disservice by practicing my faith. There’s lots of speculation on whether or not Christianity is in fact the original faith of people of African descent. A common misconception is that African slaves adopted Christianity as their faith because of their European slave masters--but don’t let the white brothers and sisters or Hotep thugs fool you! Black people have been and will always be a spiritual people, and Christ has always been in the midst of us. I brought along my brother-in-the-cause, Manny Philor, who is currently the Associate Pastor at Faith Temple Church of God of Prophecy in Newark, NJ. Not only is he a preacher of the faith, but a scholar of it. He holds a Bachelor of Science in Religion Degree from Lincoln University, a Master of Arts in Religion Degree from Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philadelphia, and a Master of Sacred Theology Degree from Drew University.  

Jesus’ Life Matters: The History of Christian Religion (written by Manny Philor)

Christianity finds its roots in the origin of the Jewish tradition. Christianity and Judaism share similar beliefs systems, sacred literature, religious stories, heroes of the faith, and the same God. When describing any of these aspects from a Christian standpoint, it is referred to as the Judeo-Christian perspective as a bridge of continuity from the Jewish community to the Christian Community. Judaism was an exclusive religion that appropriated covenantal relationships through the bloodline of the mother. This created a sense of pompousness in the ways that Jews treated the Non-Jews (Gentiles).

The Jews religious beliefs and customs caused a divide between them and the people who were different than them. It created a great deal of oppression, that we see throughout the New Testament scriptures. The interactions between Jews and Gentiles reveal a sense of superiority and supremacy that caused the Gentiles to be deemed unclean...and then Jesus stepped onto the scene.   

Christianity as an organized religion that was founded by Christ, Himself. Jesus is a Jewish man who was sacrificially martyred by a gathering of Jews for claiming to be the Son of God, and calling for Jews to return to their roots. The Christian Church (which at the time was known as “the Way”) is known as the religion of the oppressed, because the followers were martyred (and still are in different areas of the world). Throughout the biblical scriptures, it is found that God stands on the sidelines with the marginalized of the society, and we see this in some of Jesus’s interactions (The calling of His Disciples, John 4 and John 8 to name a few). The church has set its sights in following in the ways of Jesus, with the hopes of exceeding the works of Jesus (John 14:12) since the beginning of the its teachings.

Black Lives Matter: Christianity in Africa (written by Nicole)

A common ancient Kemetian (now known as ancient Egyptian) story often told, familiarized, and attempted to stand as an override for the story of Jesus is the story of Heru—a Kemetian god born of a virgin. The difference between Heru and Jesus—Jesus has been scientifically and historically proven to have walked the Earth; Heru has not. Whether or not the projected story of Heru stands as an alleged prophecy of the coming of Jesus is a bit far fetched for me, but I can see the mix up.

Now, the belief that faith in Jesus Christ, whose historical name has been translated throughout many centuries and across languages, but is probably originally known as “Yeshua”—is synonymous to worshipping a God of slave masters and European colonization cripples the entire point and authenticity of the life of Christ. Before even reaching Europe, the teachings of Christianity were within the proximities of what is now Northern Africa (Egypt) and the Middle East. It wasn’t until after the resurrection of Christ around 30 A.D., where missionary preachers of the Gospel, like Paul, were bringing the Gospel of Christ beyond its Northern African and Middle Eastern borders into what is now known as Greece and Italy around 60 A.D. It also wasn’t until the early 1600’s when Northern European empires—Britain, Spain, and France—began their colonization quests, traveling to Africa for free labor, after their attempts at indentured servitude in the New World (America) among their own people failed because of poor immune systems. For more than 1500 years, the Gospel was being preached in Northern Africa, spreading throughout its neighboring regions. One of the oldest Christian churches—The Coptic Church—is in Ethiopia and was founded in the first century A.D.—way before the European thugs!

To take it a step even further, for the brothers and sisters that believe Islam is the original faith of our people, following the death of the Islamic prophet Muhammad in 632 A.D., militants of the Islamic faith had been invading the same regions of the Christian origins in war. Among those regions were Egypt, Syria, and Armenia. It is also a common reference that the people most commonly associated with the Islamic faith, Arabs, were descendants of Ishmael—the son of Hagar and Abraham (Genesis 16:3)—one of God’s most beloved servants.

Therefore, the #Awakening of this historical context proves the idea that a belief in the Christ of Christianity being rooted in the process of the European conquest of America is misguided and historically inaccurate. It also historically proves that our Savior has ALWAYS been our Savior—before He was Europe’s Savior if you even want to put it like that. Christ was brought to neighboring nations and countries by people of African and Middle Eastern descent—people of color. It is forsaking history of mankind and history of black people to mistake our role in the teachings of the Gospel on a global perspective as one other than followers of the only true and living Savior.

Love Matters: The Application of Being Black, a Christian & Woke

As Manny stated before, “God stands on the sidelines with the marginalized of the society,” and quite frankly the marginalized of most societies are people of color. When Christ went out and healed people during His time in ministry before His crucifixion, He was with the common people—He wasn’t afraid to be among them, touch and reach them. In regards to the social injustices people of color face every day, none of it comes as a surprise to our Savior because He faced even greater persecutions. The common misapplication of hope in a government-based justice system is where many of us fall short; our hope should ALWAYS be in God. And for those that challenge the belief of hope in God, the Word of God clearly states “Faith without works is dead” (James 2:26). Therefore what we should take from this text isn’t that we stop at hope, but that we activate it, take it a step further and get to work! God expects us to put our trust in Him, knowing that He will give us the wisdom to sustain not only ourselves, but others as well. (Isaiah 50:4). The perfection we’re looking for in social justice we’ll never reach—but we as Christians are supposed to be the salt of the Earth (Matthew 5:13); we are this Earth’s Answer and are representing Christ in the Earth. So whether it be encouraging and uplifting brothers and sisters of all nationalities, protesting alongside them, or even reaching those that do not understand the inclusivity of God’s love sent in human form through Christ, it is our right to fight not just for our own lives, but each others’ because Jesus did for us.

We hope this entry unites all people of different backgrounds, but also enlightens those that may not understand the truth and history behind our Savior. We pray that this post also introduces you to the importance of knowing Christ and introducing Him to those that don’t. The world is in need of SO MUCH LOVE today—and it’s time for the sons and daughters of God to reveal themselves in the Earth (Roman 8:19) because we are the oasis of the source of love, for God is love (1 John 4:8).

Peace + Blessings,

xo, Nic & Manny

Why I Chose Celibacy: My Testimony & What Love's Got to Do With It?

Hey Lovelies!

So...in May 2015, I made a leap. I stepped out on faith and transformed a previous poetry blog into now what is "The #RibLife Journey." The "journey" in and of itself has been tough, up, down, but above all else so worth it. This past weekend some co-workers of mine had brought up my blog at work and asked a question I hadn't really been asked in a long time.

"Why are you celibate in the 21st century?!!"

It was so left and I was so not expecting it, then I realized for the past 4 years, I had been around people that had known me throughout college so I didn't need to explain or talk about my story. Then it hit me—I'd never really told my truth about how I got here, to this very moment in my journey. Today's the day I tell it and fly free from the fear of holding that truth in.

Me at 16 yo;
If this little girl only knew what I know now!!!!

When I was about 13, I believe, maybe a day or so after my 13th birthday, my mom sat me down in our living room to talk about "the birds and the bees." I'll never forget that day—I was still playing with Barbies and for some reason had brought two of them to this "house meeting" as my mom would call them for my sister and me. She was really cool about explaining sex. Mom dukes was a mentor in her line of work to teens in local communities and basically, she talked to me like she would them—REAL; she didn't sugar coat anything. Some of her last words in that conversation with me were, "You can always come to me for anything. And though I want you to wait until marriage because that's what God wants of us, if you do decide you want to be sexually active, you can come talk to me about it and we'll take the proper steps to make sure you're safe."

I was just about to turn 17 when I lost my virginity.

I was dating this guy who I thought would stop cheating if I'd give him this one thing he was going to other girls for; my self esteem was really low and I was in a really difficult place in my adolescence. I had "friends," but I still felt like a loner sometimes. I didn't always like what I saw in the mirror and it was just really hard. Long story short—he kept cheating and I broke up with him two months later.

At that point, I went through this internal depression. Here I was 17—just broke up with a loser, just gave myself to this loser, was too afraid to talk to my mom because I didn't want to feel like I failed her nor did I want to disappoint her, DEFINITELY wasn't telling my dad because he would've went to jail, told my god sister, but still nothing and no one could understand what I was feeling nor what I was going through internally. I went through most of that time by myself. I cried a lot; I felt broken and hollow. But God said, "You don't have to be."

Fast forward to about a year later, I had healed from that past relationship, was thriving in a way healthier and better relationship, and I was preparing to go off to college. That spring, my mom was talking to me about birth control, but I would always brush it off because despite no longer being a virgin, I still wanted to be one! I didn't actually want to be sexually active AT ALL. Sex did NOT excite me, it did NOT make me feel anything but GUILTY, EMPTY and SINFUL. I got no pleasure out of it and it separated/stopped me from talking to God. It was NOTHING like what society lied to me about! Eventually my parents were actually having yelling matches on why I should or should not be put on birth control and Pops was NOT having it! He called me one afternoon while I was home sick I think from school and was like, "Baby girl, you have a choice! You don't have to go on birth control if you don't want to, especially if you're not having sex." He later told me he wanted me to wait and that he loved me too much to not remind me of the WORTH and VALUE I held within myself. Call it a father's touch or what have you, but that was all I needed to make my decision—my pop pouring his heart out to me, telling me he wanted me to wait and that he loved me was all the validation I needed.

Since that talk with my old man in 2011, I've been celibate. Have I made mistakes? Yes. Slipped up? ABSOLUTELY! Have I recovered? No doubt. Is it worth it? More than anything. Why?

Because...I found myself. And I found myself when I went before God about my purity. For years, I had been searching for my worth and thought it was in some pubescent relationship. My parents were amazing at being there and always telling me I was beautiful, but in my head, every parent tells their child that! For all I knew, they could've been lying to me because it was a rule of the Parents' Club to tell your kid that, even if it means you're lying. My worth and value wasn't in my parents, and I later found out that it wasn't in a relationship with some little boy, nor was it found in what's between my legs. My worth and value is in God; always has been and always will be.

When I went before God about my decision to be celibate, I expected THE WORST. I actually expected to be struck with some illegitimate baby and thought I would die from some STD. But...He actually embraced me; He was waiting for me to talk to Him. He was waiting for me to repent of my sin so that He could pour out His love to me. Even in that moment of repentance and in the moments to come where I struggled, He reminded me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). So it didn't matter what I did, so long as I asked for His forgiveness, He had forgiven me and still loved me the same. The moment I repented before Him, my sin was thrown into a sea of forgetfulness (Micah 7:19). God did not want me to be bound by my sin; He wanted to free me from that bondage, and when I gave Him control, He did.

Writing this post was hard for me y'all—to strip the "image" of what people perceive of you and be honest about the person behind that perception is rough! But I didn't want to be held captive of an expectation of a "cookie-cutter" because I'm not and never will be that person. I'm simply a sinner who is loved by a merciful, forgiving, true, and eternal God...and I am so in love with Him. I also battled with not just telling my truth here, but also to my mom, which I literally did 24 hours ago. I bawled like a baby during their teething stage talking to her; it was ugly. I had prayed before I called her, practiced what I was going to say to her and how I was going to say it, and whether she would hate me or not, I made up in my mind that I would go free after that talk with her. Well because my mom is the REALEST, the moment I finished telling her, she said, "Nic, I love you." Cried even harder man. Looked like I got punched in both eyes after that!

By coming clean about my truth and my testimony, I'm hoping, even if it's one of you reading this, that you find comfort, healing, and your freedom. Being honest with yourself is a divine responsibility; you grant yourself permission and peace to be who you really are. To both my ladies and fellas—this world will tell you so many things about who it thinks you should be. The only truth about who you are is what's in the Word of God. You can search the entire earth for love, your worth, and your validation, but you'll never find it unless you seek Him for it. And no matter what it is you do or have done, there is NOTHING that can or will EVER separate you from the love that God has for you (Romans 8:39). He is willing to reason with you about your situation, willing to cleanse you, heal you, and fix you (Isaiah 1:18, Hebrews 8:12), all we have to do is ask; confess and repent to Him and you're forgiven just like that (1 John 1:9). The whole point of Christ coming was for sinners; He didn't come for the righteous people, the holy than thou people, the "cookie-cutters." He came for the broken girls like me, searching for self esteem in a boyfriend they know doesn't really love them but thinking their love is enough to make him stay. Christ came for the lost young men, abandoned by loved ones who are just waiting on someone to not leave them like everyone else has. Our Savior came for us—people like you and me; the sinners (Luke 5:32). And I promise you, in Him, you'll find it all—love, peace, healing, joy, forgiveness, freedom, purity, redemption—He's got it and wants to give it to you. Don't let the sting of guilt or shame stop you from talking with your Father.

He loves you immensely.

You Are Forgiven...now walk in your freedom.

Stay encouraged friends,
xo Nic.

Mom Dukes & Me at a JT concert;
Love you mom! xo

Trusting God in the Transition at Any Stage in Your Life

Oh heeeeyyyy friends!

Quick back story and I guess quick testimony to segue our way into this post:

So almost five months ago, I was in complete and pure panic mode! My last semester of grad school had started and I was already trying to figure out how I was going to be affording continuing to live on my own following graduation. I was applying for internships, hoping that would be a way to at least get my foot in the door to employment. Around the beginning of April, I had a preliminary interview with a television news station for a producer position—it went great and they were really fond on me following up with them; so I did...but, no response. I remember the Sunday before the interview, one of the worship leaders at my church prophesied, relating to someone in the room going after a job and that if they really wanted it, it would be their's. I knew then and there that Jesus was talking through him to me.

About two more weeks had went by and still nothing back from the station. Finals week came...no response. And then the week of graduation came, and the news director of the station called me asking me to come to the station for a formal interview. On last Tuesday, the news director called me again following my formal interview to offer me the job...WITH BENEFITS Y'ALL!!!

This leads me to remind/share with you guys three points:


1. TRUST GOD


Literally.

Like I mentioned to you, I was in panic mode! There were nights, I stayed up in pure negativity. My mind would wonder how am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to pay off my loans? How am I going to survive? I moved out of my mom's house three weeks after my 22nd birthday in pursuit of my master's degree and to start my career. I was only a month and a half shy of having graduated from undergrad (CRAZY! I know and I honestly don't recommend it either). I knew that if I hit hard times, my momma would always be there to help me, but I knew that there was more to this—I knew that if God had really called me to make this leap into this new chapter, He would provide. He's the provider for the provision. Instead of panicking, what God was requiring me to do was trust Him in a new way; I had to stretch my faith and be patient.

Proverbs 3:5 reminds us that if we trust Him and don't depend on our own doings and understandings, acknowledging Him, that He would direct our paths. To me, that scripture is evident that WE DON'T HAVE THE ANSWERS SWAY! I don't got them, you don't got them, ya momma don't go them, ya man ain't got them, your homeboy don't either! But HE does! We trip up and shuffle our way into panic when we try to understand it on our own. If God gives you the vision, trust that He will provide to make provision for it. It's not your business how it's going to happen; it is your business to trust Him, however.

Think of the story of Peter walking on water in the book of Matthew. When Peter fixed his eyes straight on Jesus, having faith, he was able to walk on water. It wasn't until Peter looked down, taking his eyes off Jesus, that he realized the waves crashing under him and became afraid. He then started to sink. Just like Peter, when we take our eyes off of Jesus and begin look at the small figments of our life (bills, loans, hardships), we become afraid. We don't realize that those aspects are small parts compared to the major part—our purpose. We thus sink in our own fear, forgetting that fear is not a fruit of the spirit (2 Timothy 1:7).

2. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

A lot of times when God gives us a vision, we think, "Okay, great! Sounds awesome! Thanks for letting me know God; I got it from here," when we're nowhere near close to being equipped to make it happen (WE STILL DON'T GOT THE ANSWERS). For me, I'll use my singleness for example, I always knew that I wanted to be married and start a family. I believe that being a wife, and especially a mother, is a part of the overall purpose God has given me. In knowing that purpose, I've often times moved ahead of God with certain relationships that I had no business being in; same goes in lots of other areas of our lives.

Or in other ways, instead of moving ahead, we nag God and wallow in sorrow as a result of impatience. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed myself and even some of my friends create these self-pity moments for no reason. "Oh my God, I don't know what I'm going to do," "Oh my God, I don't have this," "Oh my God, the deadline was yesterday and just I don't know," "Oh my God they didn't call me back," all of the "Oh my Gods," ugly tears, snot and drama for no reason. It's actually ridiculous if you ask me now. Why? Because it's showing that lack of faith of a person who says they believe in the God who is in control of everything.

John 14:14 says that if we ask Christ for anything in His name, He will do it. SIMPLE. Yet we find ourselves having a hard time waiting on Him. Patience and waiting in God has nothing to do with Him really, but everything to do with us. He's already assigned the blessing to you, but He needs to be sure that you're responsible enough to trust you with it—are you equipped with the strength it requires to handle such a blessing right now?

The Bible also reminds us that if we wait on Him, we receive fresh strength, we'll spread our wings and soar like eagles, run and not get tired, walk and not lag behind (Isaiah 40:31). This waiting God is asking of you is so that when the time comes for Him to give you the blessing, you'll be able to handle it.

So get your life and please stop crying; it's not cute and the dramatics are annoying, bro. Get a grip!

3. HE NEVER FAILS

He can't, He won't, never has and never will.

Whatever He said He'd do, He's already done it. He's just waiting for you to catch up! Often times, we allow eagerness and controlling behaviors to take reign, thus removing God from His rightful place in our lives as Lord. When He is truly Lord of your life, you don't worry about anything! You know that you are taken care of. You're 100 percent sure that God is the same today and forever and that what He's told you about you is true (Jeremiah 29:11).

The transition is hard y'all—I've been through it time and time again. But what I know for certain is that it's built my faith even more every single time. The process isn't happening to you, it's happening for you. God wants to build you, He wants to plant your faith on ground that will not waiver (Psalm 1:3).

Endure! I promise you it's worth it, I wouldn't be here saying that at the age of 22, I'll be starting off my career as a news producer in a top small market. That doesn't happen on average, but I'm not average and neither are you! Know who and whose you are.

Stay encouraged friends.

I'm praying for you,
xo Nic.

P.S. Never let fear or anyone else's reservations about your dreams stop you from going for it! I've did it and I'm doing it, so that means you can too. Get your degree(s), get that job, start that career, start that business, write that book, whatever it is! Have faith in yourself and God; He'll work out the rest.

Graduation Day 2016,
almost exactly a year after receiving two bachelor's degrees
from The Lincoln University,
I received my Masters in Journalism and Public Affairs
from American University.

My Fatherless Void: Creating Voids Within the People We Love

Recently a really important relationship in my life went left (like as left as you could think). And as much as this relationship going left hurt, it became an avenue for a teachable moment that I thought I might share for this post.

So to start off, I am going to admit that I have a really bad habit of "making homes out of human beings."

What does that mean?

It means that I tend to allow people to overstay their destined duration in my life--I have a hard time letting go of those I get so used to and when it's time for them to leave, I hold on instead of letting them go. They become what is comfortable for me and what feels like "home" to me.

Letting go is hard y'all--it's painful and it's a process that a lot of us (if not all of us) do not enjoy. And with this specific relationship, I held on to what I desired from this relationship for far too long. I was holding on to who that person used to be to me, what their love used to feel like, what their presence used to feel like, and the purpose that relationship used to serve in my life. Me holding on to that, yearning and desiring to get all of that back, put a strain on the relationship. I had certain expectations and when a specific expectation ended up not being fulfilled, I was let down. I was hurt and to be honest, it really hurt me to the point where I questioned me. I questioned my purpose, I questioned myself (THIS IS HOW I KNOW I WAS TRIPPING!!!!!). But seriously--I had invested so much time and so much of myself into this relationship that I wasn't always being truthful and honest with myself. I was more so concerned with making sure this person was okay and that I was there for them, instead of being there for me, first (your needs are just as important boo!). And long and behold, eventually, my expectation and a lack of communication on both ends led to what could possibly be an end to a relationship that I've valued for the past three years.

To this day, it hurts. I have cried--there have been days I didn't want to get out of bed. I've even had days when I've wondered if one of the things I'm waiting for in my life can still actually happen for me. There have also been days when I've questioned was there more that I could have done to keep this person in my life or maintain this relationship (again, I WAS TRIPPING!!! I'm really THE litness and if you can't see that...you have a serious vision problem!). But today, something shifted.

In my time of communication with God today, I realized something so important about myself--I have a fatherless void and it has affected a lot of my romantic and platonic relationships with the men in my life in a negative way.

So what is a fatherless void?

It's an emotional, spiritual, mental and/or physical space left unoccupied by our fathers, which often times causes a lack of self love, self assertion, and self fulfillment within us. This fatherless void is often found in young women, but is also common in young men.

For me, my void dates back to my childhood when my parents divorced. I was just about six-years-old when my parents separated and it took a psychological toll on me--one that, of course at that age, I would not be able to comprehend. But as I got older, I developed this deep resentment and rage toward my dad. Despite the fact that my father was very active in my life, the six-year-old girl that felt like he left her behind, when he and my mother divorced, was still waiting on him to return. By the time I was 18, my relationship with my father had gone through just about every up and down any father-daughter relationship could endure. Before I went off to college, I wrote my dad a letter about my resentment toward him and I really let him know how I was feeling. We got the chance to talk about the letter, and from there, we agreed that we would always be honest with how we felt and would grow a healthier and more loving relationship. Four months later, my dad passed away from a massive stroke and the daddy's little girl relationship I desired to develop with my dad was no longer possible. I was hurt, but even more so, that six-year-old girl was once again abandoned by her father with no warning and this time, he wasn't coming back for her.

Since my dad's passing, I've tried to cope a lot on my own. My sophomore year of college I met this really awesome guy and contrary to popular belief, he didn't want anything from me-he just wanted to listen...and he did. He listened and he let me cry. For anyone that knows me, that's a big deal! I don't share my emotions nor cry with strangers (THAT'S CRAZY; DON'T RECOMMEND IT EITHER). But...I did and he was there. He supported me a lot and really helped me get through that year. Eventually, we progressed into a romantic relationship, and unfortunately he became a void filler for my dad's absence. He comforted me the best he could and was there for me, but I, not fully aware, was still searching for my dad. We eventually broke up due to a lack of communication, but became friends up until recently. And it was after our recent fall out that I realized he was a void filler in my life. I'd call him when things got bad, still cry (and ugly cry, too, smh), depend on him for EVERYTHING--I called him first when my tire blew out instead of AAA (WHO DOES THAT?!). He was my go-to; he became the main person I ran to and in retrospect, he became an idol.

Here's where this affects our spiritual health:

When a person, male or female, becomes a void filler in your life, they take away an opportunity for God to be God in your life. When there is a glitch with a toy, you don't send it to another toy to fix it--you send it to the manufacturer. Well just like toys, if there is a glitch (a void or a hurting) within a human being, you don't (well, you shouldn't) run to another human being to heal you or fix you--you should run to The Source, The Manufacturer, GOD.

Our voids, whether they being fatherless voids, motherless voids, and/or a feeling of something missing or lacking, are a glitch in our spiritual makeup. God desires for us to be whole, so when these lacks occur, we must seek Him to restore us--to fix us.

When we go out seeking people and things to fill our voids, we put God on the back burner. We're basically saying to Him that He alone isn't sufficient enough to heal us and to help us-that His love isn't enough to suffice. And that hurts Him.

Exodus 34:4 reminds us that placing other things and people before God is idolatry. The text warns us not to allow this to occur because God is a jealous God. When we place something in His place, we harden our hearts to Him and His will.

Instead, to heal us and to fix us, we should cling to our Creator. Anything other than God is just a band-aid to the wound.

He wants to heal us completely. The world may be able to heal us lightly and for a little while--that void filler may ease the pain for a some time--but He is the only one that can heal us completely. And in order for Him to do that, He needs to deal with the root of our sickness. A lot of the times, we try to heal the symptoms related to our voids or even our sins, when it's really the root. We don't take the time out to deal with the root of our voids and we continue to allow people and things to be the symptom solutions.

God isn't a symptom solution; He's the cure.

We have to let Him remove the root, letting Him get deep within us in order to really heal us. And that starts with self-reflection. We have to be honest with ourselves and with God. I once heard in a sermon that "God isn't a pedophile--He's not going to go into a place He's not invited." It's when we're honest with ourselves about our pasts, about our wounds, our hurts, and our voids that we can then admit to God what we're lacking and invite Him in.

In Isaiah 53:5, it says that He was wounded for our transgressions...bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed.  That means that Christ suffered for us--He knew what we were to endure in this lifetime; He knew we would need healing so He sacrificed Himself for our sake. Christ is our healing; He's the cure.

God knew that we would lack, but He promised to be our provider. For those like me, He knew we would go searching for our fathers, but Psalm 68:5 says that He will be a father to the fatherless. He is close to those who are close to Him.

Another thing that we fail to realize is that our voids and our use of void fillers are a lack of patience, trust, and faith in God. For me, I know that to be true. I also know that my voids were also rooted in fear-I feared that no one would be able to be there for me, I lacked trust and faith in God truly being able to heal me. I doubted Him and I had a hard time believing that God was able to do it.

But He is!

We just have to let Him in and let Him love us. He's slow to anger and love us so much (Psalm 86:15). Nothing--not our sin, not our fear, not our voids--can separate us from the love that He has for us. He is greater than any desire, any void, and any person that has left you. He will never leave you; people will, but God won't ever leave you.

It's okay to love someone and it's okay for that person to be important, but when they become your main source and become more important than God, it's no longer healthy for you. And if you've totally surrendered to the will of God, He will remove that person Himself because He wants your heart. He wants nothing in the way of His path to you; voids fillers block His healing.

So God removed that person? It's okay, you'll be just fine...He'll restore you and if it's meant for that person to remain in your life, He'll even restore that relationship and teach you how to refrain from creating idols out of your relationships with people. It's so easy for our friendships and romantic relationships to become forms of idolatry. We must prevent that and deal with our voids.

Be honest with yourself...receive your healing and let the Cure, the Source, the Creator, God, fill your voids with His unfailing love.

You deserve healing; not a band-aid for a deep wound.

I'm praying for you; I love you and He loves you more!
xo, Nic

"If you cling to comfort more than you cling to Christ, you will deny Christ as soon as your comfort is threatened."

-Cornelius Lindsey