So much to tell you all, so little time...so let's get right to it!
Ya girl moved...AGAIN! I'm starting to feel like a gypsy, but it's all good! I took the producing job I last told you all about and found a beautiful place closer to the station. GOD really came through for me y'all!
But anywho! So a couple of days ago, I found myself awake at like maybe 2:00 in the morning boohooing! Like ugly, REAL ugly tears and it's like it came out of nowhere. I had been "talking" to someone for about four months, let's say, and with timing, transitions of jobs and career paths, distance, it just didn't work out. No love lost, but it just didn't develop into what I was hoping for. That night, I was on Instagram, scrolling through my timeline, when I saw what seemed to have been all of the guys I either used to date or talk to were all in these great relationships...and they had the nerve to look really happy! It was almost like they came together and plotted to post about their newly found relationships or happiness all at the same time and I was the target! Now, none of them know each other at all so I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case, but something about these back-to-back posts hit me. Something came over me and I started to feel as if I was unworthy of happiness—as if there was something about me that wasn't enough, wasn't worthy enough of these men being the men that I needed them to be for me.
It was rough. All of my insecurities consequently came to a head and for a good 15 minutes, I felt really small. I felt like all of the effort I had ever put in, the love that I gave was never enough—never capable enough of convincing these men that I was worthy of staying around for. And then God asked me...
"Are you done?"
Like what? What you do you mean am I done? I'm here having a moment and you're asking me if I'm done?! No, Sir, actually I'm not done and I'm going to keep having this moment.
Then in what seemed to be God rolling His eyes at me, I realized all of those thoughts that I was thinking weren't true—me not being enough for those men wasn't the case; me not being enough period was not true. Those thoughts that I was allowing to rule me in that moment were not in alignment to what God has always been telling me.
Those thoughts were rooted in a lie; they were also rooted in discontentment.
In this day and age, if you're hooked on social media like most of us millennials are, you're vulnerable to the lies, perceptions, and falsities social media can plant into your spirit. I'd like to think I follow a decent amount of accounts that either preach what I believe or are simply people that I'm cool with. But I also find myself on my popular page a lot where couples related to different accounts are getting married or are really happy in their relationships. To be honest this year alone, I feel like everyone I went to school with is either getting married or having a baby, and I'm sitting here in my singleness like, dang!!! Can I at least get a boyfriend?! I don't want to be married tomorrow and I DEFINITELY do NOT want a baby ANYTIME soon, but dag! Like Ayo, GOD?! You remember me right?! You know I'm tryna be married too right?! You know I learned how to cook not just because I need to survive but because Ma told me no man wants to starve, right?! Oh okay, because it definitely feels like you forgot, OG.
That's my truth and I'm so not afraid to tell it like it is because I'm hoping by me being honest with you all, it'll set some of you free.
Social media, when used in the right amount of consumption and for the right reasons, is a great tool to get information and inspiration to the masses. The problem with it is when we forget that those pictures with their stolen lyric captions are just milliseconds of a person's life captured by a camera phone. Those pictures aren't showing how a person got to that millisecond of a moment, the pain they went through, the journey they endured, or the argument that happened right after that picture was taken. We fall for that millisecond of time and base our life's season on that one fragment in time. Crazy, right?
Yet we spend so much time trying to attain these unattainable expectations we've created with our minds based off of these images, because we are discontent with ourselves. We completely throw out and forget about the truth God has been telling us in His Word like:
- We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14),
- We are the righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21),
- He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10),
- That He has plans to prosper us (Jeremiah 29:11)
Instead we wallow in our discontentment and we allow it to completely take over our lives. NOT ANYMORE SHAWTY!
You have to take a hold on this thing! You can't just let your mind win; you can't let that spirit of discontentment rule your life. Take your life back! Claim your happiness!
When discontentment tries to creep up on you, speak the truth to it—Speak God's Word to it. While you're speaking God's Word to that spirit, something in your spirit will begin to rise up as well. Don't let them lies set up a home in your life; evict them now and abort their mission!
Personally, I think that anytime we allow discontentment to have its way, we're slapping God in the face, because we're not trusting Him and we doubt the unconditional love that He has for us. 1 Thessalonians 1:2-5 in The Message Bible says, "...God not only loves you very much, but also has put His hand on you for something special." Meaning, He's got you—meaning that every desire, every dream, every prayer, He knows! If you could trust Him and keep your mind focused on Him, He'll come through (Isaiah 26:3).
It's going to happen for you—I promise you. You won't be single forever if it's in God's will for you to eventually be married. But in the meantime, DO SOMETHING with your singleness. "Stay the course with committed faith and [watch you] get everything promised to [you]" (Hebrews 6:12).
Singleness can be rough—I know. With what seems to be everyone being in these great relationships, getting married or going on these fly vacations, it can get discouraging. I'm right here with you, but we can make something of this!
And don't you dare for another second of your life think that there is something wrong with you; you are perfect as He is (Matthew 5:48); He made you with perfection. One of my favorite songs at the moment is "I Need You" By Jesse Boykins III (no, it's not a gospel song, so deep Christians, stone me later as the stone boulder at the top of the hill waits for you). Anyways! One of the lyrics says:
It's not their fault they did you wrong; most of the town boys just ain't that strong. It's not their fault they lied to you, as long as you know you deserve the truth.The truth is: God wanted so much better for you!
Those relationships didn't work out because they weren't meant to; God has someone better to meet the caliber and level of amazingness that you're on.
Don't be like me—PLEASE, I beg you!!! Don't be like me and waste an hour of crying and having an attitude with God because you chose to believe the lies of discontentment. You're not those lies; you're what God says you are.
I know me saying all this is A LOT more easier said than done, but I figured since *cues High School Musical* "We're All In This Together," I'd start sharing snippets of my "Love Journal." Now here's how this works:
- NO, I WILL NOT BE AIRING OUT ANY DIRTY LAUNDRY.
- NO, I WILL NOT NAME DROP.
- NO, I WILL NOT EXPOSE ANYONE.
- YES, YOU MUST PARTICIPATE, TOO!
Basically, three to four times a week, I journal into what I've named, "Learning to Love (Me, Myself & OTHERS)." It's me being intentional about the healing process during my singleness before I meet my Adam, loving myself completely, being enough for me completely, before trying to be for someone else. I challenge you to do the same! You can use a notebook or download the Evernote app like I did and create a notebook in there. Each week, I'll try to post 2-3 snippets from my journal entries to encourage my fellow singles out there also going through their journeys.
Stay encouraged friends.
I'm praying with you,