Wednesday, November 25, 2015

"But Where is Your Husband:" How to Deal with The Holiday Relationship Conversations

It's the MOST wonderful time of the year!

I LOVE the holiday season, spending time with my family, decorating my mom's house, and just the spirit of this time of the year.

But with all great fun and family times, there's always the DREADFUL conversations about who I'm dating, what's going on in my love life, how are my exes (like who cares!?) and the other questions that leave the room filled with crickets sounds.

"Where is your husband?"

"When you gone get married?"

Like...but where is yours? (KIDDING!)

I get it-most of our family members have great intentions for us! And we thank God for their concern and the love they have for us to be the best and live the best lives that we can. BUT! that does not mean that Auntie Pattie and cousin KiKi gotta be all in your business!

Often times, we feel pressured by our family regarding numerous areas of our lives, and often times our romantic relationships are at the forefront of their concern (Just Nosey!!!).

I've experienced it just about every holiday gathering and I've even had family and friends call me just to ask about my love life-not even a hello! Just straight to the point, "Who you dating?" Like uh uh! Bye girl! Fly girl!

Recently, with understanding the call on my life and where God is leading me, I came to the understanding that dating isn't actually for me (blog on this coming soon!). Some people can date, and that is fine! But I cannot.

Here's what I mean: I told y'all in the last post, "I am not a seasonal kinda girl; I'm a lifetime commitment." I MEANT THAT! If we go together, that means, eventually we gettin' hitched! And that's not because I want to be married so bad, but because I want to be pursued by God's purpose; not for the mere purpose of "dating."

The idea of dating, according to most, means going out there and meeting different people. For the idealistic dating scenario, you may meet three different guys, go on dates with them, interact with them, and do all of that to get to know them. Then you pick which one you feel meets your expectations/compliments you and cut the rest off. And if you find out you don't like any of them, you go on more dates to find a new batch! I know this may sound harsh, and it may not be this way in your reality, BUT this is the way I see it (AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE!). However, seeing it the way I do, I am WAAAAAYYY too busy and do not have the attention span, nor the hand-eye coordination to juggle more than one person at a time! It's just too much! That's a whole talent that God has not blessed me with for a reason.

Dating is just not for me, and it kills me when people ask me why I'm not dating and refuse to accept that God hasn't called me to that lifestyle.

My desire is for every desire on my heart to be in alignment with the will of God-for every desire I have to be His desire for me. Before I graduated from undergrad, I was determined to hit the dating scene as soon as I moved to the city I live in now. Y'all I was soooooooo ready and so excited! I was really 'bout to be out here and doing this thing! Had my cute outfits set up in the closet-every-ting! Then I got here and God was like, "Nah. You THOUGHT it was!" No date life. Nada!

That's when it hit me-I wasn't called to date. I wasn't called to be another in some random's weekly or monthly rotation. God intended for me to be pursued by Him and only when a man is in Him first, will God reveal me to the one that He has created for me to pursue me. Ladies, we don't have to date to find the one. The Word of our Father says in Proverbs 18:22 that, He that finds a wife, finds a good thing. The keyword here is HE--it wasn't God's intention for a woman to find her husband; your husband is supposed to find you and pursue you. That means you have to be patient and wait on God!

Often times we move out of fear and impatience, and we've talked about this before in my previous post, but this fear and impatience also relates to how we react to our family's holiday conversations about our lives.

You don't have to move from a place of fear nor embarrassment when you're asked those questions about your dating life. God hasn't given us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7), so therefore you should not operate in such! Stand in the authority and confidence that He has given us in our big brother Christ Jesus.

Be confident in where God has placed you because He's working out a miracle in your life. He's creating you to be the best woman, best man, you can be! He's writing this beautiful love story for you and your husband (or rib), so don't you dare trip! He's got you and He's got it all figured out for you.

So when your mama and 'em press you with those questions, STAND boldly and courageously, laugh if you have to, and simply say, "I'm waiting on God." And if they have more to say, want to give the "advice" they swear by, or even better hook you up with their girlfriend Loretta's FIIIIIINNNNEEE son or beautiful daughter, AGAIN reply, "No thank you, I'm waiting on God."

Trust Him and really wait on Him (Proverbs 3:5 & Psalm 27:14).

Don't fall into the holiday blues or the cuffing season lie!

Pinky Promise founder and Christian blogger, Heather Lindsey, posted these awesome words of encouragement on Instagram recently. She said,
     "Refuse to be bullied members with good intentions this Thanksgiving. Be confident in the fact that God has you exactly where He wants you to be. When He opens up a relationship door, when you and your spouse get pregnant, when you find a job in your field or whatever else--they will be notified. Gently remind them that you trust the Lord and encourage them to trust Him too."

I couldn't have said it better (she says it so much nicer though)!

Really though, stand firm in where God has placed you and trust Him! He's got you!

I love you, but He adores you even more!

Happy Holidays from my family to yours,
xo, Nic