Tuesday, July 21, 2015

"Don't Miss Anything Good While I'm Gone...": For the Girl Waiting on Him to Come Back

You ever been in a situation where you and another are in this kind of limbo in your relationship, and you know for sure that you want to be back together with that person, but they aren't exactly sure if you're "the one" for them and basically press the pause button on you, while you're expected to wait on them to figure it out?

You have?! Oh great! Because that's exactly what we're going to be talking about today-the young women, and even young men, who are used to being told that they are the perfect person, just not the right time.

If like me, you've gotten what I call "the Speech of all Excuses;" you know, the one where they go, "You know, you're everything I could've ever asked for and more in a [girl/man]. And if you give me like 3-5 years, bet I'll marry you, but right now I really wanna live my life."

I love that speech!

If I'm being honest, I've been given that speech at least 3-4 times in the past 6 months. Last year, I was also in the very same situation I mentioned in the beginning of this post, where I was told by a man, whom I loved very much, to not "miss anything good while" he was gone. We had broke up a few months prior, but were still very much so invested into each others' lives, trying to figure out what was the best decision for our situation. After many talks, lots of awkward silences and situations, he made it clear that he wanted to see other people and see what else was out there for him.  It hurt me to the core. I knew the caliber of a woman I was and it shocked me that not only was I the one dumped, but at the moment, I felt that I wasn't good enough or worthy enough for him to stay.


Ladies (and gentlemen), if that person wants to go out and explore the world, LET THEM! Understand, them choosing to leave you has absolutely nothing to do with you-however, it has everything to do with them! Your worth does not change because someone chooses to leave you. Psalm 139:13 says Body and soul, [you were] marvelously made; for you were made in His image (Genesis 1:27). Thus meaning, you were made beautifully; YOU ARE ENOUGH IN GOD'S EYES. To Him, you are to die for (John 3:16). Your worth is not defined by those who choose to stay or choose not to stay and marvel in the masterpiece that God has made of you.

Now, I know you're probably like,
      You know Nic, I hear what you're saying and I get that my worth isn't in a man (or woman)-it's in God. But Nic...it's not that easy. It's not that easy to get over someone. I envisioned a future with this person; I wanted them to be my last. That pain...that void...that emptiness just doesn't go away over night. I thought they were...

The One?

Yeah, I did too. So in fact, I get it! But I'm here to let you know that it's not the end! Now "the end" can mean two things: (1) the end of that relationship all together OR (2) the end of a specific season for a relationship.

A little sermon for you:
Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us that For everything there is a season, meaning that everything in existence has its own season. Just like how in nature certain crops and flowers are only in season during the spring and summer, while others are only in season during the fall and winter-it's the same thing with relationships. Before these crops and flowers flourish in their harvest, a process takes place before the harvest to prepare them for when they are in season-again, same thing with relationships (you have the "getting to know each other" phase, "dating" phase, and then the actual season of the relationship). Some relationships, however, are only meant to stand the test of time for a short season. That season can vary from a month to 3 years, even 50 years; no matter how long the season is, though, once that relationship has served its purpose, that season will end. Once again, just like in nature, certain aspects of that season will begin to shed and whither. If a relationship begins to diminish (shed/whither), the season of that relationship may be over and you may just need to let that relationship go.

Of course, I know, that's a lot easier said than done.

However, that's where God comes in to not only encourage us, but to remind us that He is still in control and still has our best interest at heart (Jeremiah 29:11). No matter what, God calls for us to Trust [Him] with all of [our hearts], depending not on [our] own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Ultimately, He loves us more than anything or anyone else ever could and He knows what's truly best for us.

Here are some great scriptures on what God says to encourage the brokenhearted:

  • The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18)
  • Cast your burden on the Lord, He'll carry you and He'll help you out (Psalm 55:22)
  •  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3)
  • Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10) 

However, if you're a hopeful romantic like I am, I know that even after all of this, you'll still propose the thought:
    Well Nic, you know I hear all of that and I totally agree...but what if he (or she) comes back? What if they really are 'The One' and what if just like you said, this is just the end of a specific season in our relationship?

In that case, I say that we, as human beings, have the tendency to always have our own agendas, but if it is truly in the will of God for that relationship to persist somewhere in the future, than it will according to God's purpose (Proverbs 19:21). The Word of God says in Matthew 6:34 to not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. So in that case, be still and know that God is God (Psalm 46:10), for He works all things out for the good of those that love Him (Romans 8:28).  

If you're waiting for that man or woman to return, weigh your options! Seek God for understanding on whether or not that relationship's season is truly over. You should NOT be waiting around forever for that person! LIVE YOUR LIFE! Do not waste your life and your good single years, crying and waiting, waiting and crying for that man or woman to come back! If they don't, you'll have wasted your time (and some good mascara) on some joker who ain't even thinkin' about you no mo'!

And...TRULY, and I REALLY mean TRULY, if God has called you to wait on this person, ask Him to guide you in this waiting time-ask Him what it is that He desires for you to do in this season of waiting. Don't waste your season of waiting either, being unwise with your time and your talents. Prepare yourself for the next step of that relationship. Also, while you are waiting, BE PATIENT! Don't try to bring the two of you back together on your own! Clearly that worked out for no one; ask Abraham! You don't want to meet your Adam (or Eve) prematurely and you're not ready. When the time is right, God will bring you back to that place (Genesis 28:15). WAIT ON HIM! Not your own will. Chill out shawty!

In closing, know that God has chosen someone SO MIRACULOUS for you who is more than worth waiting for. But more importantly, you are worth the wait. Whomever God has set aside for you, He will bring directly to you for the right time. Just trust Him. TRUE, keyword: TRRRRRRUUUUUE, Love waits and above all, true love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Stay encouraged!

God loves you & so do I!

xo, Nic.