Thursday, October 22, 2015

It's Cuffing Season; So Why Be Lonely?

It's 'bout that time!

You know-when the "Bae Applications" have gone out, those old flings hit you up with a DM asking "how u been," and them "Netflix & Chill" date offers are coming through with the quickness...

It's Cuffing Season and it's in full effect!

The weather's gotten a little chilly and it would be so lovely to have someone to cuddle up with and watch some re-runs of A Different World or some of your other shows, right?

I'm pretty sure you all know exactly what I'm talking about.

For all of my "brand new" people, let's first examine "what is cuffing season?" Here's what Urban Dictionary had to say:

       During the Fall and Winter months, people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous (NICOLE INSERT-in other words people who THOT) find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be 'cuffed' or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed."

Sounds about right to me.

So let's look into this from a different perspective...and it's about to get real, so for all my "deep, spiritual folk," find a break somewhere.

As human beings, we are physical beings, first; let's be honest here! When you first see someone you're attracted to, you don't say, "Ooooo girl, look at his soul!" Mmmm nope. Naw. Don't lie. No you don't. Same thing for my fellas. We see each other with our natural eye that we some times have to take conscious control over to prevent the spirit of lust.

Being a physical being is PERFECTLY okay; it's a part of who God made us to be. The challenge comes when we don't know how to balance being a physical being and keeping our salvation (post on this coming soon).

Now, along with us being physical beings, we are also emotional. Like it or not, all human beings are overly emotional-it's a part of our makeup. When placed in certain situations, the emotional and physical aspects of our beings tend to collide with what we spiritually know to be true and right...and that's often why some of us fall during "the cuff."

Here's what I mean:

Just because you're lonely because the world has told you that you are OR because it's cuffing season and you don't want to be lonely, that doesn't mean it's time for you to go out in search of bae!


Your Adam is still sleeping and your Rib is still being formed!

Now, I'm not going to lie to you-sometimes being content with your contentment as a single, even for us Christians, is hard. You're not going to always be content in your singleness. Just the other day, I caught myself and I, too, felt discontentment in my singleness and honestly, it really hit me. At one point in my life, being cuffed was easy because there was no purpose behind the cuff. Now, I don't just want to be cuffed; I want to be godly pursued with intent to marry. I'm not a seasonal girl; I'm a lifetime commitment. You can't just chase me for a season because you're lonely, and then store me away in the attic until next fall. Nah bruh; not here!

You desiring being in a relationship or being cuffed, isn't wrong! It's not a sin. We all desire love and companionship...but at what cost? Your abstinence? Your celibacy? Your relationship with Christ? Your soul?...all because you're lonely?

The Word of God asks us in Mark 8:36, What good is it for someone to gain the world, yet forfeit their soul?" In terms of cuffing season, what good is it for you to have opened yourself up to be vulnerable (emotionally, spiritually, physically and FISCALLY$$$), after making all this progress, then to go right back to square one-laying before God, crying, hollering and ugly, realizing that you fell for the joke and should've been patient.

We, as believers, have to remember that every trend of the world is not for us. Romans 12:2 reminds us to Be not conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind." You're not supposed to be of the world; you are supposed to be of Christ living in it.

What we have to understand is that a lot of the times our mistakes or poor decisions made out of "loneliness" are because of our lack of trust and patience with God. We doubt that He can actually give us the desires of our heart; we doubt Him and we don't trust Him.

Psalm 37:4 says, Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. God already knows what you desire. Nine times out of ten, if it's according to His will, God placed that desire on your heart as a part of your purpose. He wouldn't place a desire on your heart and not give it to you. The goal, however, is that you become delighted and content with Him, FIRST, so that when He does give you the desire, that desire doesn't become an idol and take His place in your life.

There is a method to what may seem to be His madness, but it's really His plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11).

So trust Him (Proverbs 3:5-6)!

I know it's hard, y'all, trust me I do. I'm a 22-year-old woman growing into my own and learning more about who I am not just spiritually, but physically as well. The more I am learning about myself holistically, the more it becomes THE STRUGGLE. But that doesn't give me an excuse to go out there, and degrade my temple or my God because I'm lonely and want someone to run their fingers through some "Kev Care" (y'all remember the show Cuts with Marques Houston?! check out this video here at like 00:35).

It's not worth it.

You may be satisfied for the moment (or the season); that person may coddle you and cuddle you in all the right ways, wine and dine you just right...but what happens after Cuffing Season is over?

When "bae" ain't tryna be "bae" no more because again the season will change and he (or she, for my fellas) will want to be "bae-less" because it's the summer and they'll probably want to go out and thot again!

Now what bae-less and faithless?

Trust me, it's not worth it.

Hold on! The Joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10) and He's going to reward you for being faithful.

In the meantime, get you a body pillow, some extra comforters, subscribe to your OWN Netflix account, and have a Netflix and Chill night with Jesus.

You'll be okay; being single is NOT a death sentence or a prison, unless YOU make it to be that.

You got this and I'm hanging in there with you.

I love you and He loves you even more.

Praying for you,
xo, Nic.