Why I DON'T Want to Get Married...

WHAAAAAT?!!! Nic, you don't want to get married? But I thought the whole point of the waiting until marriage and #TheRibLifeJourney was all about being married?

WRONG!

Now that I've probably gotten your attention because let's face it—marriage is somewhat a key part of this whole thing, it's not the focal point. In fact,  getting married makes up about 15% of this #TheRibLifeJourney because at the center of this entire journey is Christ, Himself, but you probably already knew that. So let's get to the question I'm pretty sure you're trying to figure out the answer to—why I don't want to get married.

Well...the answer is quite simple, with somewhat of a complex background.

Earlier this week, my bestest guy friend and I were on the phone for our usual Sunday/Monday night updates. We talk about everything from politics, television, media, our mutual love for Jay-Z and hip hop music, all to men, women, and love and relationships. Every week, he and I talk about the same topics in a different way, and every single week we agree to disagree on these same topics; I can't tell you how many times we argue about why Drake is or isn't the greatest rapper out right now. It's so ridiculous, he started a Twitter war about it! But anyways! On Sunday night, something different happened—we were talking about the difference between men and women in relationships, and out of nowhere I became really angry and emotional. It was as if something had come over me and had ignited this unresolved tension between my humanity and the male specie, and I was letting my friend have it.

It got so bad that randomly I shouted, "I'm done! I give up!" There was a slight pause before he asked for assurance, "What do you mean you give up? On love?" The answer was yes...I was putting down all hope I had in the fairy tale ending, a house with a white picket fence and a husband that throws rose petals at my feet (not that I really think this way, but I'm pretty sure there are some women out there that define this as the "happy ending"). I was done, and he QUICKLY cut me off and said, "Bro (yes, he calls me bro), you can't just give up—that's wack! You just can't; I know it's hard for you, but you can't."

But I wanted to...I was tired and I felt like at this point, I'm not waiting for "him." I was tired of giving men chance after chance, to be left with nothing in return but a broken heart and memories that turned into unwanted repetitive nightmares. I was done. I had come to the conclusion that if I really wanted kids, I was going to turkey baste all of my children Being Mary Jane style; SO SERIOUS! I was over it, y'all. I went to bed Sunday night discouraged and it seemed no matter what my best friend said to me, I was still in the mindset that marriage and love weren't in the cards for me.

And then Monday morning came...and for what seemed to have been the first three hours of my day, God kept pushing me around my house like, "Hey little girl, are you going to stop being a brat and tell me what the heck was going on with you last night? Are you going to tell me why AGAIN you fell into the trap of your own mind? Are you going to tell me why you keep NOT trusting me? Are you going to tell me why you're defining your happiness and love within a man and not me?"

THREE HOURS Y'ALL! And He didn't stop...quite frankly, He let up on pushing me around my house, but those questions are still lingering because to be honest, up until this post, I hadn't talked to Him about it...because God was right. My "brat attack" about giving up on love is all tied to a trust issue and leads me to the answer to this post.

A lot of us women desire marriage because we're infatuated with the idea of it—the wedding day, the honeymoon, the lovey dovey emotions and the rest of the fluff stuff that we're told marriage is. But what about the work it comes with, the submission it requires, the endurance, the courage and faithfulness it calls for. More importantly, the selflessness that marriages calls for...you ready for that? Because it can get ugly and when that man isn't the man you "fell in love with," can you still pray for him? Will you be selfish enough to not walk out on him when he tells you he can't do something? Will you be trustworthy enough to care for him when he is low and needs someone to talk to and still see him as a man? Will you be slow to anger when he tells you he's having problems with lust, when another woman is taking the time to pay him more attention, when you've been overly working and may have forgot to tell you him you loved him lately? THAT'S THE REALITY OF MARRIAGE.

Does it come with the good times? Yes, but it also requires work. And if you only married that man because you thought he was the solution to your loneliness and you thought he was your happiness...I'm here to tell you that happiness is only contingent on your happenings; it's conditioned on your circumstances. Joy is eternal, though, and you'll only find that in God.

The simplest answer to why I don't want to get married is that if it doesn't please God—if He is not at the center of it, if it's not helping me to fulfill the purpose and plan that He has for me—I don't want to get married. If I'm going to put a man that will somedays fail me because he is human—if I'm going to put him over God, I don't want it. And if I'm going to lose myself trying to get another person to define my happiness and the love I've already been filled with, then I DON'T WANT IT.  Return to sender! I'm good bruh! You can slide yo self out my DM's, hit 'em with the BLOCK, CTRL. ALT. DELETE.

I don't want to get married if at the end of it all God is not the one who gets glory out of it. What good is it?! In fact, Paul warns us not to get married because of its complexities. Check it out—he says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (MSG),

I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.

CLEARLY, plain as day, the homie Paul is telling us, "Ayo, bruh, you sure you wanna get hitched? Because it ain't all roses and unicorns, fam!" And if you do truly desire marriage, Paul doesn't say it's a bad thing (1 Cor. 7:2), and I'm not saying it's a bad thing either because HONESTLY, TRULY (Joanne the Scammer voice), I do want to get married eventually with the hopes that my marriage is pleasing in God's eyes.

The point both the homie Paul and I are simply trying to get the single ladies club to understand is that BEFORE you starting singing "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh..." Beyonce-style, put God FIRST. In this same chapter of 1 Corinthians, Paul says "Don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there" (1 Cor. 7:17).

It all comes down to self contentment and continuing to trust THE Man—God. God, defines our lives—not a man or our marital status (1. Cor. 7:17). We shouldn't idolize marriage or see it as the end all be all because it's not! There's this Ruth & Esther movement I see a lot of on social media where a lot of these "ministers and evangelists" are preaching marriage and how to be a wife, and that's cool if that's your steeze! But if all you're taught is that marriage and being a wife is all there is, you will be wasting your life, ladies...because if that man never comes, what are you going to say? What are you going to do? Think that God failed you? Follow that movement if you want to, but read the WHOLE book of Ruth and Esther—those women were working, fulfilling their purposes in Christ both BEFORE AND AFTER they mens came through!

Desire Christ, more than marriage...and when you put the things of Him first, ALL THINGS, not some, but ALL will be added unto you (Matthew 6. 33)...including your little somewhat of a fairy tale marriage to your man!

Enjoy your life, seek Him & love yourself—life will be simpler in many ways if you do (1. Cor. 7:7).

Peace + Love,
xo Nic

Why I Chose Celibacy: My Testimony & What Love's Got to Do With It?

Hey Lovelies!

So...in May 2015, I made a leap. I stepped out on faith and transformed a previous poetry blog into now what is "The #RibLife Journey." The "journey" in and of itself has been tough, up, down, but above all else so worth it. This past weekend some co-workers of mine had brought up my blog at work and asked a question I hadn't really been asked in a long time.

"Why are you celibate in the 21st century?!!"

It was so left and I was so not expecting it, then I realized for the past 4 years, I had been around people that had known me throughout college so I didn't need to explain or talk about my story. Then it hit me—I'd never really told my truth about how I got here, to this very moment in my journey. Today's the day I tell it and fly free from the fear of holding that truth in.

Me at 16 yo;
If this little girl only knew what I know now!!!!

When I was about 13, I believe, maybe a day or so after my 13th birthday, my mom sat me down in our living room to talk about "the birds and the bees." I'll never forget that day—I was still playing with Barbies and for some reason had brought two of them to this "house meeting" as my mom would call them for my sister and me. She was really cool about explaining sex. Mom dukes was a mentor in her line of work to teens in local communities and basically, she talked to me like she would them—REAL; she didn't sugar coat anything. Some of her last words in that conversation with me were, "You can always come to me for anything. And though I want you to wait until marriage because that's what God wants of us, if you do decide you want to be sexually active, you can come talk to me about it and we'll take the proper steps to make sure you're safe."

I was just about to turn 17 when I lost my virginity.

I was dating this guy who I thought would stop cheating if I'd give him this one thing he was going to other girls for; my self esteem was really low and I was in a really difficult place in my adolescence. I had "friends," but I still felt like a loner sometimes. I didn't always like what I saw in the mirror and it was just really hard. Long story short—he kept cheating and I broke up with him two months later.

At that point, I went through this internal depression. Here I was 17—just broke up with a loser, just gave myself to this loser, was too afraid to talk to my mom because I didn't want to feel like I failed her nor did I want to disappoint her, DEFINITELY wasn't telling my dad because he would've went to jail, told my god sister, but still nothing and no one could understand what I was feeling nor what I was going through internally. I went through most of that time by myself. I cried a lot; I felt broken and hollow. But God said, "You don't have to be."

Fast forward to about a year later, I had healed from that past relationship, was thriving in a way healthier and better relationship, and I was preparing to go off to college. That spring, my mom was talking to me about birth control, but I would always brush it off because despite no longer being a virgin, I still wanted to be one! I didn't actually want to be sexually active AT ALL. Sex did NOT excite me, it did NOT make me feel anything but GUILTY, EMPTY and SINFUL. I got no pleasure out of it and it separated/stopped me from talking to God. It was NOTHING like what society lied to me about! Eventually my parents were actually having yelling matches on why I should or should not be put on birth control and Pops was NOT having it! He called me one afternoon while I was home sick I think from school and was like, "Baby girl, you have a choice! You don't have to go on birth control if you don't want to, especially if you're not having sex." He later told me he wanted me to wait and that he loved me too much to not remind me of the WORTH and VALUE I held within myself. Call it a father's touch or what have you, but that was all I needed to make my decision—my pop pouring his heart out to me, telling me he wanted me to wait and that he loved me was all the validation I needed.

Since that talk with my old man in 2011, I've been celibate. Have I made mistakes? Yes. Slipped up? ABSOLUTELY! Have I recovered? No doubt. Is it worth it? More than anything. Why?

Because...I found myself. And I found myself when I went before God about my purity. For years, I had been searching for my worth and thought it was in some pubescent relationship. My parents were amazing at being there and always telling me I was beautiful, but in my head, every parent tells their child that! For all I knew, they could've been lying to me because it was a rule of the Parents' Club to tell your kid that, even if it means you're lying. My worth and value wasn't in my parents, and I later found out that it wasn't in a relationship with some little boy, nor was it found in what's between my legs. My worth and value is in God; always has been and always will be.

When I went before God about my decision to be celibate, I expected THE WORST. I actually expected to be struck with some illegitimate baby and thought I would die from some STD. But...He actually embraced me; He was waiting for me to talk to Him. He was waiting for me to repent of my sin so that He could pour out His love to me. Even in that moment of repentance and in the moments to come where I struggled, He reminded me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). So it didn't matter what I did, so long as I asked for His forgiveness, He had forgiven me and still loved me the same. The moment I repented before Him, my sin was thrown into a sea of forgetfulness (Micah 7:19). God did not want me to be bound by my sin; He wanted to free me from that bondage, and when I gave Him control, He did.

Writing this post was hard for me y'all—to strip the "image" of what people perceive of you and be honest about the person behind that perception is rough! But I didn't want to be held captive of an expectation of a "cookie-cutter" because I'm not and never will be that person. I'm simply a sinner who is loved by a merciful, forgiving, true, and eternal God...and I am so in love with Him. I also battled with not just telling my truth here, but also to my mom, which I literally did 24 hours ago. I bawled like a baby during their teething stage talking to her; it was ugly. I had prayed before I called her, practiced what I was going to say to her and how I was going to say it, and whether she would hate me or not, I made up in my mind that I would go free after that talk with her. Well because my mom is the REALEST, the moment I finished telling her, she said, "Nic, I love you." Cried even harder man. Looked like I got punched in both eyes after that!

By coming clean about my truth and my testimony, I'm hoping, even if it's one of you reading this, that you find comfort, healing, and your freedom. Being honest with yourself is a divine responsibility; you grant yourself permission and peace to be who you really are. To both my ladies and fellas—this world will tell you so many things about who it thinks you should be. The only truth about who you are is what's in the Word of God. You can search the entire earth for love, your worth, and your validation, but you'll never find it unless you seek Him for it. And no matter what it is you do or have done, there is NOTHING that can or will EVER separate you from the love that God has for you (Romans 8:39). He is willing to reason with you about your situation, willing to cleanse you, heal you, and fix you (Isaiah 1:18, Hebrews 8:12), all we have to do is ask; confess and repent to Him and you're forgiven just like that (1 John 1:9). The whole point of Christ coming was for sinners; He didn't come for the righteous people, the holy than thou people, the "cookie-cutters." He came for the broken girls like me, searching for self esteem in a boyfriend they know doesn't really love them but thinking their love is enough to make him stay. Christ came for the lost young men, abandoned by loved ones who are just waiting on someone to not leave them like everyone else has. Our Savior came for us—people like you and me; the sinners (Luke 5:32). And I promise you, in Him, you'll find it all—love, peace, healing, joy, forgiveness, freedom, purity, redemption—He's got it and wants to give it to you. Don't let the sting of guilt or shame stop you from talking with your Father.

He loves you immensely.

You Are Forgiven...now walk in your freedom.

Stay encouraged friends,
xo Nic.

Mom Dukes & Me at a JT concert;
Love you mom! xo

"I Want What They Have:" Battling Discontentment in Your Singleness Thanks to Instagram

Hello beautiful people!

So much to tell you all, so little time...so let's get right to it!

Ya girl moved...AGAIN! I'm starting to feel like a gypsy, but it's all good! I took the producing job I last told you all about and found a beautiful place closer to the station. GOD really came through for me y'all!

But anywho! So a couple of days ago, I found myself awake at like maybe 2:00 in the morning boohooing! Like ugly, REAL ugly tears and it's like it came out of nowhere. I had been "talking" to someone for about four months, let's say, and with timing, transitions of jobs and career paths, distance, it just didn't work out. No love lost, but it just didn't develop into what I was hoping for. That night, I was on Instagram, scrolling through my timeline, when I saw what seemed to have been all of the guys I either used to date or talk to were all in these great relationships...and they had the nerve to look really happy! It was almost like they came together and plotted to post about their newly found relationships or happiness all at the same time and I was the target! Now, none of them know each other at all so I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case, but something about these back-to-back posts hit me. Something came over me and I started to feel as if I was unworthy of happiness—as if there was something about me that wasn't enough, wasn't worthy enough of these men being the men that I needed them to be for me.

It was rough. All of my insecurities consequently came to a head and for a good 15 minutes, I felt really small. I felt like all of the effort I had ever put in, the love that I gave was never enough—never capable enough of convincing these men that I was worthy of staying around for. And then God asked me...

"Are you done?"

Like what? What you do you mean am I done? I'm here having a moment and you're asking me if I'm done?! No, Sir, actually I'm not done and I'm going to keep having this moment. 

Then in what seemed to be God rolling His eyes at me, I realized all of those thoughts that I was thinking weren't true—me not being enough for those men wasn't the case; me not being enough period was not true. Those thoughts that I was allowing to rule me in that moment were not in alignment to what God has always been telling me.

Those thoughts were rooted in a lie; they were also rooted in discontentment.

In this day and age, if you're hooked on social media like most of us millennials are, you're vulnerable to the lies, perceptions, and falsities social media can plant into your spirit. I'd like to think I follow a decent amount of accounts that either preach what I believe or are simply people that I'm cool with. But I also find myself on my popular page a lot where couples related to different accounts are getting married or are really happy in their relationships. To be honest this year alone, I feel like everyone I went to school with is either getting married or having a baby, and I'm sitting here in my singleness like, dang!!! Can I at least get a boyfriend?! I don't want to be married tomorrow and I DEFINITELY do NOT want a baby ANYTIME soon, but dag! Like Ayo, GOD?! You remember me right?! You know I'm tryna be married too right?! You know I learned how to cook not just because I need to survive but because Ma told me no man wants to starve, right?! Oh okay, because it definitely feels like you forgot, OG.

That's my truth and I'm so not afraid to tell it like it is because I'm hoping by me being honest with you all, it'll set some of you free.

Social media, when used in the right amount of consumption and for the right reasons, is a great tool to get information and inspiration to the masses. The problem with it is when we forget that those pictures with their stolen lyric captions are just milliseconds of a person's life captured by a camera phone. Those pictures aren't showing how a person got to that millisecond of a moment, the pain they went through, the journey they endured, or the argument that happened right after that picture was taken. We fall for that millisecond of time and base our life's season on that one fragment in time. Crazy, right?

Yet we spend so much time trying to attain these unattainable expectations we've created with our minds based off of these images, because we are discontent with ourselves. We completely throw out and forget about the truth God has been telling us in His Word like:

• We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14),
• We are the righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21), 
• He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10),
• That He has plans to prosper us (Jeremiah 29:11)

Instead we wallow in our discontentment and we allow it to completely take over our lives. NOT ANYMORE SHAWTY!

You have to take a hold on this thing! You can't just let your mind win; you can't let that spirit of discontentment rule your life. Take your life back! Claim your happiness!

When discontentment tries to creep up on you, speak the truth to it—Speak God's Word to it. While you're speaking God's Word to that spirit, something in your spirit will begin to rise up as well. Don't let them lies set up a home in your life; evict them now and abort their mission!

Personally, I think that anytime we allow discontentment to have its way, we're slapping God in the face, because we're not trusting Him and we doubt the unconditional love that He has for us. 1 Thessalonians 1:2-5 in The Message Bible says, "...God not only loves you very much, but also has put His hand on you for something special." Meaning, He's got you—meaning that every desire, every dream, every prayer, He knows! If you could trust Him and keep your mind focused on Him, He'll come through (Isaiah 26:3).

It's going to happen for you—I promise you. You won't be single forever if it's in God's will for you to eventually be married. But in the meantime, DO SOMETHING with your singleness. "Stay the course with committed faith and [watch you] get everything promised to [you]" (Hebrews 6:12).

Singleness can be rough—I know. With what seems to be everyone being in these great relationships, getting married or going on these fly vacations, it can get discouraging. I'm right here with you, but we can make something of this!

And don't you dare for another second of your life think that there is something wrong with you; you are perfect as He is (Matthew 5:48); He made you with perfection. One of my favorite songs at the moment is "I Need You" By Jesse Boykins III (no, it's not a gospel song, so deep Christians, stone me later as the stone boulder at the top of the hill waits for you). Anyways! One of the lyrics says: 

It's not their fault they did you wrong; most of the town boys just ain't that strong. It's not their fault they lied to you, as long as you know you deserve the truth.

The truth is: God wanted so much better for you!

Those relationships didn't work out because they weren't meant to; God has someone better to meet the caliber and level of amazingness that you're on.

Don't be like me—PLEASE, I beg you!!! Don't be like me and waste an hour of crying and having an attitude with God because you chose to believe the lies of discontentment. You're not those lies; you're what God says you are.

I know me saying all this is A LOT more easier said than done, but I figured since *cues High School Musical* "We're All In This Together," I'd start sharing snippets of my "Love Journal." Now here's how this works:

1. NO, I WILL NOT BE AIRING OUT ANY DIRTY LAUNDRY.
2.  NO, I WILL NOT NAME DROP.
3. NO, I WILL NOT EXPOSE ANYONE.
4. YES, YOU MUST PARTICIPATE, TOO!

Basically, three to four times a week, I journal into what I've named, "Learning to Love (Me, Myself & OTHERS)." It's me being intentional about the healing process during my singleness before I meet my Adam, loving myself completely, being enough for me completely, before trying to be for someone else. I challenge you to do the same! You can use a notebook or download the Evernote app like I did and create a notebook in there. Each week, I'll try to post 2-3 snippets from my journal entries to encourage my fellow singles out there also going through their journeys. 

Stay encouraged friends.

I'm praying with you,

xo Nic.

"...Just Give Me Like 5 Years:" For the Girls [And Guys] that Got Away...

Hey friends!

It's been more than three months since my last post, but today we're going to get back into the groove of things.

Lately I've been reflecting a lot on where I'm at mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in my walk and even in my relationships--past and present. I was noticing a commonality in a lot of the conversations I would have with men either in passing or in general. Now I've mentioned this commonality before, but honestly, it's beginning to bug me a bit. That commonality is this phrase:

You know...you're great and all, wifey material and everything...I'm just not ready for a commitment right now. But if you could give me life 5 years, I promise you, we gon' do this thing and Imma make you real happy...what do you say?

*Insert rolling eyes emoji*

Crazy, right?! Like what "man" in their right mind thinks I...Me...THIS POPPIN' GIRL RIGHT HERE is waiting 5 years for them to get their act together?! Not here brother man...I'm good! Enjoy sowing your royal oats though!

Let me tell you something: if a man [or woman for my fellas] can't see what's right in front of them, let them go! I've said this before in previous posts and that's because it's true!

For most of my life, I've been "The Girl that Got Away." What does that mean? Well, for my slower friends here, in short it means it takes for a relationship to be over, done with, I've moved on, and he's settled for less (no shade *hair flip*), for a guy that I've been in a relationship with to FINALLY get that maybe they should've gotten they're act together sooner. And by the time they've gotten this act together, I'm already over it and the door of access is only accessible after the Rapture...basically, you have not a chance!

Honestly, about like two months ago, I got tired of being "The Girl that Got Away." Like y'all I was really starting to think that it was time to give up on this whole "love" thing (Yeah, right! Tried it!--Y'all know I'm a hopeful romantic at heart). But no for real, I kept feeling like nothing was coming out of anything--my patience with men and God was running real low, I had no "juice," no one ever slides in my DM's (that's actually a blessing), and no one had really expressed interest seriously. Y'all I started trippin'!

Likkkkkeee, "Hey, Jesus! What's going on here?! You forgot about me...little ol' me?! I could use a little man right now. This grad school thing's gettin' kinda crazy, my boss is getting on my nerves EVERY 5 minutes, calling me after business hours...I could use a little companion here!"

I was done being that girl and I just wanted someone to appreciate me for the amazing woman I am, not take me for granted, or take the chance of letting me go, in hopes that I would wait around for them.

Then, as God ALWAYS has a way of doing, He checked me. And that's when I realized that being "The Girl [or Guy] that Got Away" is often times a choice.

WHAT?!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! It didn't make sense to me at first either, but let me explain Gina:

We've all been given free will in this life and sometimes, we choose to see past the signs God has already been showing us. For me personally, I always get this gut feeling when I'm going into a situation I'm not supposed to be in. I also hear CLEAR AS DAY God's voice whether I want to or not. But I go in anyhow thinking I can "influence him, not change him because I can't change a man; only God can." I swear to you this is really what I tell myself, y'all.

Despite the FIRST initial sign of warning, I keep going heart first, mind last. STUPIDLY tragic! And as time progresses, other signs show up, but I stay anyhow really thinking that I can influence this person into a transformation, praying and crying, crying and praying to God who already told me this is not a relationship I should've pursued in the first place.

If you're like me, you've overstayed your visit in a situation God never ordained you to be in. Then he [or she] hits you with "there's too much living to do; we're so young and I'm just tryna enjoy my life." So you're now left with the short end of the stick, after putting in all the effort, wasting your love and/or your time away and now what?

You convince yourself that you're better than their next (which you MOST CERTAINLY are), but you dedicate too much of your time trying to out do them, trying to fight for someone to love you, when you should be loving yourself.

One of the most painful things I've ever put my own self through in life was loving someone more than I loved myself, overstaying my stay, trying to turn what should've been a hotel room into a home. Pay attention to the signs and go in the direction The Lord is leading you to.

To be honest, in theory, there would be no "Girls or Guys that Got Away" if we'd just pay attention to the signs that God gives us when He gives them to us. By being hard headed, impatient and disobedient with Him, we lead ourselves straight on into heartbreak and wonder why when we get into the next relationship, we either take our bad habits of ignoring the signs and continue overstaying, or we take the hurt from our past and bring them into our current relationships...BOTH WRONG. Yet, we wonder why God hasn't blessed us with something different.

My sister wrote this quote on her mirror, one in which inspired this post:

God can't give you something new with your hands still clenching onto old things.

After being tired of being "The Girl that Got Away," I realized that I had to make a change in my actions and expectations in relationships. I also noticed within myself a trust issue with men, which is really a heart issue stimulated from the not-so-smart decisions I made and predicaments I put myself in regarding my heart. Let me make this VERY clear: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU REACT TO EVERY EXPERIENCE IN YOUR LIFE. There will be some circumstances life hands to us, and others we create for ourselves; either way, YOU are responsible for how YOU deal with them. Relating back to my "heart issue," I am completely responsible for my trust issue because I created that issue by allowing anything less than what I deserved into my life, allowing it to stay, make itself comfortable, bring its baggage, and live rent-free. Therefore, I am responsible for also evicting it. It's the house cleaning afterwards that God wants to take part in--He wants to clean you up again and deal with your heart's root issue--the foundation that was damaged when YOU allowed that person to destroy you. We give permission to people's actions towards us when we allow their bad treatment to go unchecked.

Our "getting away" is really a blessing in disguise because it gives us another chance to do it right--to be obedient to God's will and reset our patience in Him. Love takes time and requires patience (1 Corinthians 13:4); it's not going to fall out the sky and just happen. It takes WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK--sorry y'all that's really my song!!! Anyways, back to patience...Psalm 27:14, says Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart. Your patience in waiting on God in your life will not only block the actions and repercussions of your hand, but it will also build your endurance in the waiting.

Now about this "give me like 5 years" thing--Look here! The Bible says, He that finds a wife, finds a good thing (Proverbs 8:22). KEYWORD AGAIN LADIES: HE. God didn't call you to look for him. But when he finds you, there is NOTHING that man won't do for you. Check out Jacob and Rachel (Genesis 29:20-28). When Jacob came across Rachel, he knew she was too good to let up. So immediately, he wanted to marry her before anyone else had the chance. But her father made him wait FOURTEEN years...AND HE DID IT LADIES!!! Jacob served and worked for the woman he loved and was determined to spend the rest of his life with.

*HINT HINT*: If a man is not willing to respect your vow to honor your temple before God and commit to you, then he's NOT the one for you. No man is going to let another man take what's his.

So if a man [or woman] is afraid of commitment, chances are God hasn't ordained them the honor of having you. Get Away From Them! But in that, don't doubt God either because He will come through. Remember that our God is not slow in keeping His promises (2 Peter 3:9). If He promised it to you, He will do it.

The Word also reminds us to guard [our] hearts, for everything [we] do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). Be so very careful with who you allow into your space. Don't be discouraged friends...it's going to work out for your good and one day, you'll be happy you were the one that got away, because you'll have made room for the one that won't let you walk away.

Peace + Love,
xo, Nic

Why I Kissed Dating Goodbye...

Hey friends!

Today I thought would be a great day to address a topic dear to my heart--a topic I live my every day life with so much joy, so much fulfillment, so much...I am soooooooo lying, it's not always that joyous and exciting (LOL). But today we're going to talk about why this 22-year-old fly girl kissed dating goodbye!

So here's the story:

My junior year of college my best friend Brianna told me about this book she read called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris and how she was no longer dating...huh?! You can bet I looked at her like she was crazy. We were both 20 at the time--I was in a relationship and I don't remember if she was or wasn't, but all I knew was that here we both were on my bedroom floor of our college apartment and she telling me something crazy. "Like how are you going to get married silly?"

She went on to try and explain it to me and it didn't make ANY sense until maybe a year and a half later. Basically, she was no longer giving into the worldly idea and concept of what it means to date (You'll hear more about this in her video I attached at the bottom).

Around the end of February that same school year, my relationship ended. I was reevaluating my past relationships and my dating habits in general and I wondered again, how did what I was doing in my relationships differ from what Bri was talking about? I mean I had only been in 3 serious relationships-God existed in each...right...well....okay nevermind, but I hadn't just been with these men to be with them. I had intentions of a future, a marriage, a family. I wasn't dating for the sole intent of having a "boyfriend." The difference, though, is purpose.

How Brianna and I define "dating/courting" are a tad different, but one thing I think we both agree on is that we both desire to be pursued God's way and ONLY "date/court" with the intent to be married with a purpose.

So what is purpose?

The definition of purpose is the reason for which something is done or created for which something exists; basically why something was created. For me, I don't want to be married just because it's cute and I want to be able to be laid up with someone without sinning. DUB. That's not the point of marriage. God's intent for marriage was way bigger than that-to glorify HIM.

Going back to my decision, I decided that if God had truly placed the desire to be married and have a family on my heart, it was to fulfill His plan and purpose for my life, in order to glorify Him. That meant that I just couldn't date these random guys anymore! Couldn't be laid up with bae, Netflix and Chilling. My life had a purpose--God had a purpose for me and there was more that He was requiring of me..."worldly dating" wasn't it either.

As stated in a previous post, the idea of dating, according to most, means going out there and meeting different people. You may meet three different people, go on dates with them, interact with them, and do all of that to get to know them. Then you pick which one you feel meets your expectations/compliments you, and cut the rest off. And if you find out you don't like any of them, you go on more dates to find a new batch!

Doing it God's way is different. Instead of going through this "process of elimination," God has already created the man He has intended for me to marry, so there's no need for this "process of elimination;" only that I be patient and wait in Him to reveal that man in due time. Me waiting in Him is me working, serving, fulfilling my purpose even in my singleness (Proverbs 31, Ruth 2-3).

Now after this epiphany, was I always excited about it? NOPE! (I sometimes think I run things in my life) Around two months before I moved from my hometown to a new city, I decided I was going to try and hit the dating scene! I told y'all before, ya girl was REEEEEAAAADDDYYYYY!!!!! I was going to be out here-cute, single, and ready to mingle. God shut that down so quick. Y'all I got no play out here! None. At. All. He had other plans CLEARLY!

That's when it really hit me-I wasn't called to "just date." I wasn't called to be another in some random's weekly or monthly rotation. God intended for me to be pursued by Him and only when a man is in Him first, will God reveal me to the one that He has created for me to pursue me. Ladies, we don't have to date to find the one. The Word of our Father says in Proverbs 18:22 that, He that finds a wife, finds a good thing. The keyword here is HE--it wasn't God's intention for a woman to find her husband; your husband is supposed to find you and pursue you. That means you have to be patient and wait on God!

The Word of God talks about the union of marriage and how big of a deal it is in Genesis 2:22-24. When a couple marries, the two become one flesh spiritually (Mark 10:8), meaning all that goes with that person's spirit, goes with you. I'm not about to do it my way and be one in the flesh with the wrong man! Not A Chance! I'll wait!

There are also responsibilities and tasks of each spouse that come with marriage stated in 1 Corinthians 7:1-16 and Ephesians 5:22-33 that I'm not about to be doing or working out with the wrong Adam. God reminds us in Proverbs to purposely not trust our own judgement for a reason when it comes to certain things.

Now is there any specific scripture on dating? Honestly, no. God intends for us to marry though, before we get in the marriage bed!!!! (MY EYES ARE STARING AT YOU!!!!!)

So why did I kiss dating goodbye? Because after loving each of these men, it still failed and we still did it wrong. I was tired of hurting as well. Breakups are rough! I didn't want to do it my way anymore. I wanted God's best for me and I wanted Him to have control over everything in my life, including my love life. So I'm waiting on God and I pray you will too!

Be sure to check out Bri's video here and checkout her website firefliesforchrist.com. You can also check out another great video on Christians & Dating on Chase God TV featuring Joe Solomon here (he's hilarious and breaks it down in a pretty clear way).

In the meantime, be blessed!

Don't get weary during your season of waiting. Focus on the promise, not the process.

I'm praying for you; God loves you like crazy!
xo, Nic